Your mouth is God's brothel.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
