Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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