I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
