My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
