You made me cry and you don't even care
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
