That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
