When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
