Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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