I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
