i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
