"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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