I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
