When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
