Can Purell be used as lube?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
