and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
