Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Randomize
