she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
