I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
