I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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