True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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