I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i now understand why vodka
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize