we have officially lost it.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
