I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Randomize
