I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
