So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Randomize
