Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
