All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
