Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
