Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
