I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
