I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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