If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
They should really pass out barf bags in church
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
