There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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