you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
