yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
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Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
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I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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