If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
