So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
