Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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