we're blogging at a bar
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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