Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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