I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
