why do cheetos always look like penises
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
don't judge my taste in strippers
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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