So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
