when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
