how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
