Sacagawea was the original milf.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
