I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
