I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
