is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
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Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
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I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
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