Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
