dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
