We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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