I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
