Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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