u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
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I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
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I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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