I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
