I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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