This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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