Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
People in love make me want to vomit
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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