a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
