you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
