i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
