New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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