you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
