You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
3pm strippers are depressing
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
