Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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