I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
