I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
