I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
