Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
