READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
