he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
