After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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