my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
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i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
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